It’s 2020!! Happy New Year!!

The last SF sunset of the decade 🙂

As with every New Year, it’s goal time.  Last year my goals were few, damned if I didn’t get the whole downstairs of the house re-done starting with a paint brush and sprayer.  Maybe few goals is the answer, then be pleasantly surprised?  Last year my main goal was to spend more time with my mom – all her 1st cousins on her dad’s side are gone, she grew up with all of them.  She’s the oldest on her mom’s side, a few of them are gone too. You just never know?

On the never know list, I only have 5 first cousins and 2 died in 2019.  Starting to think living past 50 is bonus time?  But I don’t want to be morbid, death is part of life that is impossible to escape.

But back to goals!  I’ve been promising to get IFR rating (Instrument) for flying every single year, mainly to cut through coastal fog.  I have no desire to fly in bad weather or icing.

Get a better routine – which has been totally thrown off with the holidays.

Start making a mark that says “Heller was here.”  A few interesting things came up with family here.  My mom credited my whole existence to my H, instead of looking at anything as MY accomplishment.  She said thanks to him I get to do all this stuff.  She was a working mom, just another dig at the fact staying home with the kids has no value even when they’re adults and you’ve been taken out of the work force.  I did always work part time, still not to my H level of contribution.  It paid for my lunches out, that’s about it.

Then when my DIL asked about goals I said years ago I wrote down the most outrageous goals, big dreams really.  I said the only thing on that list that hasn’t happened is the house in Bisbee (something I Zillow from time to time, it’s kind of off my list now).  My H said, “I was just a pawn.”  Ouch.  Nothing like wrapping up the year thinking I’m some selfish wench according to my mom & my H.

So yeah, proving them wrong is on my list – that I could have done it on my own somehow.  That I have value too.  I’m not overtly competitive, I’m very competitive though in the realm where I feel the need to prove people wrong.  My value is getting a $7,000 bid to paint cabinets so I do it myself.  Our last house had a dirt mound for a backyard, instead of hiring a landscaper I borrowed a rototiller, roller & grass seed.  My neighbors all said, “That’s not the way you do a lawn!”  Really?  Watch me.  We had a decent back yard by the end of the month.

My son is in escrow for a townhouse right now, my value is coming over to paint.  I also got him stocks in a minor account when people would give him $50 checks for his birthday at a year old.  I invested it, he’s cashing it all out now for a downpayment.

Maybe I’m just justifying?  Plus my routine with a full house is so off, oh & that pound of sugar I ate yesterday before staying up until 2a.

What were my goals again?  Make a mark on my final stretch…


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