Day 25: ???

Apologies for the daily updates, had no idea this would last this long.  When I started doing the daily blogs it was supposed to be until the April 7th (I think, I can barely remember?).  Now it’s indefinite, supposedly May 3rd, who knows for sure?

Can’t say what’s going on besides my 1 mile radius around my house for walk/runs, haven’t been to the stores at all.  As I passed by one of my neighbors, the 6′ social way, and said “hi” I got this look like, “please don’t treat me like I have the plague!”  We’ve been neighbors almost 25 years, he lives by himself, I felt like crap.

Another lame, unthinking moment by me.  I txt’d a friend about my lap pool idea, who knows when the gym will ever open again and even if it does would I go?  The only reason I go to the gym is for the pool.  She replied, “Blood on the streets and you’re building a lap pool?”  I said, “It’ll never happen, trying to look forward to something.”

Basically I’m dreaming for a time after this, when we can have people over and I can swim again.  The beaches are closed, can’t go to my mom’s.  When I signed up for the stair climb in October I left a message for my uncle telling him I was excited to come out and he never called me back.  When I looked up the stats, Cochise county has only 11 cases.  They certainly don’t want anyone bringing the party to them.

One thing that’s surprising in all this is the shuffling of un-needed ventilators from California since we’ve been in shelter in place longer than anyone else in the U.S..  The mad rush for ventilators, masks, etc. and yet wouldn’t it be easier to say, TEST EVERYONE???  Like when you’re in line to Trader Joe’s and results when you get out?

Other than that, my mental health is iffy.  Had somewhat of a breakdown yesterday, overdue.  That point where you reach the brink, decide instead to call a friend & walk the reservoir the next day or do something fun to get out of your funk is stripped.  You lose your shit, need alone time, and that’s just not going to happen in any foreseeable future.

Doing better today, spent the morning doing the floors listening to disco.  Makes me think back to my 80’s Hollywood days at the Starwood with two rooms, one for disco and one for bands.  We went for the bands, but I was always sneaking into the disco to dance.  I’ve had a good life, kind of at the point where if I get this and die bring it on.  Living like this is really not living at all.

I am complying, don’t want to endanger others.

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