Devastated

On my last blog, was shocked and so upset – still am.  J and his W came over for a social distancing brunch, outside, with my boys.  This is going to royally suck, my boys are in their 20’s and they just don’t really comprehend what J is about to undergo.  He’s optimistic, he’s always optimistic.  God I hope that helps, the odds are really low 🙁  All I can do is be a friend, like he’s been to me and the boys almost their whole lives.

Trying to think of a good J story?  This might not be the best one, it was funny though.  We worked in the pro shop at the golf course together and had the early shift.  Usually the early shifts we’d txt to see who had to get there at 5:30a and who could leisurely get there at 6a.  It’s a preferred shift, because those afternoon shifts are really a bunch of jerks that come in for the twilight rounds.

When the guys found out I got that shift, they were pissed.  I said, “You’re going to be glad  I have those shifts, it’s the hang over shift.”  I don’t drink, so I show up.  Sometimes the guys couldn’t get there from the night before (I was the only woman in the pro shop).  One such pending shift, I get a phone call at 3a from a bail bonds guy.  J and his buddy were in jail after a bar brawl the night before…and he was supposed to open.  In any normal circumstance, I would have just left someone there and went back to sleep, but it was J who helps EVERYONE.

We went down to Martinez, left his buddy in jail and bailed J out.  I think it was $300? From there, I went straight to the golf course to work and cover for him that day.  He was working 2 jobs, 7 days a week, he must have been in his 20’s?  He kept promising to pay me back and I said please don’t worry about it, I’ll call on a favor one day 🙂

That favor came when we went to Egypt and my mom couldn’t come and watch the boys the first few days.  J came over and stayed with the boys while they took full advantage of him, I think Gus hopped on Bart with his buddies to go to Berkeley and I’m not quite sure how Frank worked him, but I’m sure he did.  More exhausting than a night out drinking!!  It was a huge help until my mom got there.

That was 10 years ago, he came to Gus’ graduation that year & then Frank’s 4 years later. By the time the bail out happened, he was already part of our family.  I was trying to teach Gus how to drive stick shift, after a frustrating day where Gus told me I wasn’t explaining it well, we met up with J for dinner.  I said, “How would you explain it?”  J said exactly what I said.

Our birthdays are a few weeks from each other, every year we’d get together for a Scorpio birthday dinner.  J married one of the golf pros we worked with, they don’t have kids.  As with all the guys that I met in their 20’s and they got m’d, they do stuff with their new family.  He always stayed in touch with Frank though, he watches after him and always has.  When Frank was in HS, he got him a job up at the Rossmoor golf course.  He was going to let Frank apprentice for him club making/fitting during Spring break before this COVID ordeal.

Frank was saying he doesn’t know what to say to J?  I said, “It’s still J, don’t worry.”  The thing about Frank, even being deaf, J is someone who never treated him any different.

The brunch was great, it was just all of us swapping fun stories of my boys lifetime with J.  We laughed a lot, he was able to eat and looked good.  When he was here a few weeks ago he said he had some weird stomach pains and a pain in his arm, he was diagnosed right after that.

I brought out a portable speaker to listen to Dave Mathews on Pandora, down low so we could talk since we put the tables far from each other.  As we were all saying goodbye, that song “Hallelujah” came on.  Frank mentioned it after they left, we couldn’t believe the timing as if the universe was just telling us something.  We’re still holding on to hope for him, you have to.

Just have to write this before I forget, I did a little Instagram live concert on my piano and J and his W were the only ones watching, that’s a friend.

We weren’t able to hug him even when he left 🙁  I gave my boys big hugs, they were both really glad they got to see him and they thought the brunch was really nice.  Frank has wanted to be a pro golfer, he said in his dreams he’s always pictured J in his gallery.

This is going to really be hard, stage 4 pancreatic cancer is a horrible diagnosis.  While everyone’s spooked on COVID, we’re not paying attention to anything else.  I’m just so sad 🙁

 

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