Some Freedom & Loss

It’s really easy to get into a routine of never leaving the house this past few weeks.  Now I can venture a bit, still being cautious.  First thing I did was sign up to swim again, today a hike and cleared my head.

Every night I’ve been sitting outside to see the comet, just can’t seem to find it even with binoculars.  A friend got a great shot on Instagram, so I asked him what time, etc.  He gave me all the camera settings that were prepped into the camera before it got dark, tried again last night with no luck.  I’m afraid I’ll never be a comet photographer.  I’m too lazy to go to a remote, dark location to get that shot.

My negative COVID result gives me a chance to see my mom.  Sadly, it came too late for me to see my friend who is now in at home hospice.  My night to bring dinner was a few nights before the negative result so I ended up just sending Door Dash to them.  When I got it the results, I asked his W if I could bring over some homemade ice cream and she gave me the horrible news.  We told the boys, we’ve all been txt’ing him messages of love that she reads to him.  Devastating 🙁

It’s only been 2 months since diagnosis to now, at least the boys got to see him before he got too sick (As if that’s ok?).  The significance of “Hallelujah” playing when they were leaving was eerie.  My youngest took the speaker and ran inside with it, then mentioned it after they left.  We all knew, we just didn’t want to know.

Not a whole lot to write about besides being dark and depressing.  The world is about to lose the greatest guy, been crying in waves in utter shock.  My H is sitting this out with our son in New Mexico, we don’t want him to be alone when Jeffrey leaves us.  He keeps saying that when he plays in golf tournaments, he says Jeffrey is in his gallery.

Every night I put on this little turquoise bracelet he gave me for one of my birthdays.  Before he got married, we’d do a birthday dinner to celebrate our Scorpio birthdays for a good 10 years.  Just in case it happens when I’m asleep, I want to wear something he gave me to know I’m still thinking of him while sleeping too.

Everyone has a story of loss, this one just hits me especially hard 🙁

 

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