COVID & LA

Armed with a negative result, it was time to see my mom again.  There won’t be a service for Jefferey for awhile, the grief is coming to all of us in waves.  It was so sudden, it’s easy to see all the photos and think he’s still here.  If I’ve learned anything about people dying, it’s that they do and you have to dive in to help if you can and try to stay calm for them.

The last time I was down here, the beaches were closed but there were still people out and about.  My mom has been in isolation, by the time I got down here in early May the hoarding was over so she missed all of that.  When I left, I felt good about her masking up to go to a store by herself.

Then came home to Jefferey’s diagnosis, really, that’s how quick it was.

Now the beaches are open with a $100 fine if caught maskless.  It’s a summer day as usual down here, parking spaces filled up at the beaches.  It’s also a hot spot, so I’ve been minimizing my outings steering VERY clear of other people.  But I did get in a social distancing walk with a friend, and saw my other friend who has lung cancer, now brain tumors.  His GF, who I grew up with too, was at CVS when I took my mom in and told me what beach they’d be at.

Because of COVID, I’ve been avoiding everyone with 20-something kids with almost 4 years of Trump as they are coming of age.  Right now, those kids seem to be the spreaders.  Because of Jefferey, my decision to go down to the beach was because every time I see this friend might be the last.  I’d regret it, so I went at a healthy distance.

It’s hard to believe we’re almost 60 years old?  Sitting at the beach, where our parents used to push us on the swing set that’s still there, during a worldwide pandemic.  PJ and I had gone to a high school formal dance, then he got mad at me and really hated me for years.  All water under the bridge, the past few years he’s lived in Tahoe and we’ve chatted and seen each other since.  It was nice to just sit on the beach, right after his radiation that morning, and watch the bimbo’s run by 🙂  Although my back was to the water, so I might have messed up his view?  He just moved back down for his treatments here at sea level, glad he’s “home.”

My blog from years ago starting turning into an obit, I’m trying not to do that but I can’t believe how many people are gone already?  Manhattan Beach is paradise, it’s also right next to the Chevron refineries and Hyperion waste water treatment plant that overflows during storms.  It seems like an unusual amount of people my age have passed away already from here.

After that, I went to meet my other friend who I knew from my college boyfriend.  I never spoke to the xBF again.  T moved to MB a few years ago, he was from Beverly Hills.  We were masked up on our walk, walking 6′ apart and chatting about how odd this all was.  We had always stayed in touch.

Before all this went down, I flew in from Mexico on March 7 and T met us at a restaurant downtown.  He told me he had talked to my xBF after not being in contact for a few years.  I said, as a gesture not really with any feelings behind it, “Tell him I said hi.”  Then all hell broke loose with COVID and I completely forgot about it.  We’ve spoken since but it’s mostly been about COVID and how are we both holding up?

Right before we parted from our walk, I asked him if he told the xBF we were still in touch.  He said, “I did, and he hung up on me!”  I’m actually laughing as I write this, really??  We broke up when I was 22, it’s been almost 35 years!!  I can totally see how he would say, to his best childhood friend, “I hate Heller” or some similar comment then change the convo…but hang up on him??  Just wow!

Not sure what the moral to this particular blog is besides me being a bad breaker upper leaving a trail of men hating my guts in my teens, early 20’s.  It sure was weird having a great few hours on the beach with someone who finally forgave me (or forgot, because I did too) for being a little pain of a teenager then to hear that another childhood friendship is severed because of me 🙁  All because I told him to say “Hi.”

Life, what a weird roller coaster this has all been!  Especially trying to connect or maintain friendships during COVID and not even being able to hug Jefferey or my friend at the beach goodbye.  Let’s hope this invisible monster is over soon.

My mom said something to me this morning when I told her about the xBF tantrum.  She said ever since I could crawl my motto was, “Don’t fence me in.”  Probably doesn’t translate well into a teenage/early 20’s relationship material?

I am so sorry to my friend yesterday that the mere mention of my name ended a lifelong friendship…yikes!!  Other than that, I’m fenced in here with my mom for the rest of my time here.  Don’t need another quarantine to fence me in further.

Pic is masks I made for my mom & I at the pier, of the pier 🙂

 

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