Got word that another friend who was battling with lung cancer all year finally lost. He was a huge Dodgers fan, I’d like to think he went out after the Dodgers won the world series the other night.
We said our goodbyes a few months ago down at the beach we’d gone to as kids. I ran into his girlfriend at CVS, she invited me down, and we laughed about all our childhood/teen antics. I grew up with both of them, but they didn’t start dating until after her divorce. He had never been married.
A few weeks ago his sister called me at 10:30p to say her husband had suddenly died. I photoshopped some pictures for his funeral, knowing I would get this phone call soon too. I’m heartbroken for her and his GF 🙁
Instead of sitting the rest of the day out, I got an upsetting phone call. This woman would call me drunk, someone I never knew well, and would suck the air out of the room. After this happened a few times without her making any effort to get sober, I stopped answering her calls. When he was diagnosed, she got his number and talked to him for hours. When they moved back to our hometown for treatments she told me his GF wasn’t taking care of him, almost like it was time for her to take over. I should add, she blew threw her inheritance and most of the people from my hometown have trust funds. After a few drunken phone calls, it was clear all roads were leading to a “loan.”
At the beach that day, before I left, I told them she’s draining and they don’t need that right now. I answered the phone yesterday because I knew she’d be upset and thought it would be a “normal” grieving call. No, it was a confrontation. “You need to be honest with me, did you tell him not to talk to me?” He told her he got a heads up not to speak with her and they cut off all communication. I said, “You should respect that his GF was his caregiver.” She said, “Answer my question.”
So instead of having a good old GF cry sesh over his death, it was all about her down to the fact I had to console her instead of the other way around. She didn’t come into the picture until after he was diagnosed, then suddenly she was his BFF.
After an hour and a half phone call about her loss, I was more upset about that than anything else. I called my mom, crying, then my brother. We’d all known him our whole lives.
Twice I’ve given a heads up to people, one was my brother in law after a horrible weekend incident with his GF. It’s not easy to do, especially after he said everything’s going really well with them leading to it being awkward ever since. I vowed to never say anything again to anyone about anyone else. This was different, the cancer had spread and she was interfering in their obvious last few months.
My brother said to block her, the same advice I gave to PJ. Maybe I should listen to my own advice? How she made that about her is INSANE.
Which brings me to what really is a friend? The one who tells you straight up or the one who keeps silent? Or am I just a backstabber 🙁 Well I am today, on this blog. She doesn’t read it, not that kind of supportive friend. He used to though, always complemented my pics which is quite a compliment considering he and his sister take some great photos.
A friend is a cheerleader, someone who listens to your piano playing even though you kind of suck. They don’t one up you, or exploit you and you do the same. It doesn’t seem like there are a lot of people out there like that? You feel good about yourself and not like crap after chatting with them.
Having so many friends die, I respect the person who has to go through it with them. You bring dinners, you do what you can, and you know when to say goodbye 🙁 Ugh