TGIF

Lots of parent soul searching while I’m out here, do I live for my kids or start living for me? I’ve never been good at discipline with the kids, he really needs someone strict to just get him going and not have a meltdown (like I already did). I want to help him, I’m just not sure I’m the person for the job? He doesn’t listen to me at all.

I did make a decision about going back to school for a music degree, not going to happen. I’ve been practicing every day down at this music store for the same price an hour I pay for parking in Walnut Creek. Yesterday I headed towards the music department practice room at NMSU to hear some of the students…I’m in between. The person playing was a definite beginner, the person playing at the music store was incredible. What’s a music degree going to get me?

That said, I wouldn’t mind setting my keyboard up here to practice in the garage or something.

I had a dream I was asked to be the co-pilot on a charter flight in a jet. At first I got on with the passengers, then I remembered I was supposed to fly the plane about 5 minutes before take off. I grabbed my headset to go into the cockpit where there were other female pilots and we all had our own “stations.” It wasn’t a normal cockpit, it was more like an auditorium with people, food, a stage, the male captain, and even a band playing. There were 3 or 4 of us women co-pilots. I was trying to find the landing speed – in case there was a remote chance I would land the plane – when I opened my headset case to see my kids had swapped it out for a headset that didn’t work.

There were some other things in the dream that came up, somehow I was recommended to be a pilot on that crew randomly.

In real life, my first attempt to get a pilots license was a disaster. My written was timing out, the plane I was flying had exhaust problems so I was trying to get used to another plane for my check ride and another instructor. I set the two weeks aside to have the kids at my mom’s house so I could just focus on finishing up with no distractions and the whole thing fell apart. The kids got sick, I couldn’t send them to my mom’s.

The “Good ‘ol Boy” pre-check didn’t know it was a pre-check and gave me a lecture at the end about the levels he needed to sign off on before I got to the unicorn level. I paid about $50 for the bullshit lecture that didn’t apply to me. The last blow was going to lunch with my mom’s best childhood friend to find out she had stage 4 lung cancer. It wasn’t time, I shelved it for a few years and let me written time out.

When I did re-take the written a few years later, it went by very fast. My CFI told me it took him years to get his initial license, a few months to get the higher ratings.

What does any of this mean? I don’t know, if I had it figured out I’d be the first to write about it.

I do know I have a few options:
-Captains license where I could charge people to sail
-Continue getting IFR/commercial with my pilots license & possibly get a few years of work in before the mandatory retirement.

or….

-Get IFR just to cut through the fog and commute back & forth to my mom’s house so she can stay at home? Fly out here, fly my son to his tournaments when he does start to compete again.

All I know is that I don’t have a future in music, people are REALLY talented and I have no desire to practice hours every day to catch up, if that’s even possible? An hour a day is perfect.

Horoscope for Today

9.4.18: Let your mind wander, and make sure to write down the peaks and valleys of your journey. You are exploring new mental territories, and they demand being recorded and shared. Take heart if you experience writer’s block. Slow down and pace yourself through your cerebral landscape. The words may not come quickly, but they will be worth their weight in gold when they finally arrive. You are crafting a powerful message that the entire world needs to hear.

It’s right about one thing, the peaks and valleys! Every day has been a “what now?” since the kids graduated from high school about four years ago. You really never think they’ll grow up when you’re in the middle of it, or that you’ll grow up. Never picture getting out of that sleepless baby time, grade school, the sports, the milestones, the awards that are all now a blur in time. It’s like someone played 52 pick up with your life and the cards are all supposed to stack back up when it’s over (and you end up being 52 somewhere along the way).

That’s where I’ve been, finding some footing. In the meantime, I’m still a “mom,” as well as a wife and daughter. The first thing I did when I was close to 50 was to quit my job at the golf course to reinvent myself, I did not want to age in front of everyone. I worked in the pro shop, it was the perfect job for my schedule, my hobby, my co-workers were great. We did get a new GM that made my work life hell. He was the wrong kind of good ol’ boy, never stepping in to help only to criticize. That made my decision a lot easier.

When my youngest graduated from high school I thought I could find my dream job which was going to be flying for a regional airline. Mandatory retirement is 62 for pilots, I still had ten years in me. My husband wanted me to start the drone company for his business with my pilot’s license instead, so that’s the direction I headed with it. Now we have 2, 25 year olds replacing me. The drones were fun, it’s just that the physical part of the job sites were getting hard for me (think bathrooms). I also lost a drone in Costa Rica following my friend surfing while my spotter wasn’t spotting. It was kind of a humiliating experience all the way around, they all treated me like I didn’t know what I was doing after that. I left with broken ribs and no Hal 3, my purpose for being there was nil.

Now it’s time for new goals I guess. Scratch the regional pilot, now I’m too old. The one goal I did achieve was to get all my sailing certifications and buy a boat, so it’s not like I’ve been doing nothing in the meantime. Really, it’s time to re-group for sunset goals (gulp).

Where do I eventually want to live?
Logistically, where do I need to be for my mom?
Do I even have anymore “hopes & dreams” in me?

Those are the top 3 right now…not to say I’ve been sitting around either, last week I had my 1st piano lesson in about 15 years hoping for my musical breakthrough. There still might be time for me to be a rock star? Haha. I skipped a Half Moon Bay sailing trip for a relaxing day on Angel Island hiking instead and was glad I did, it looked foggy and hectic. One of the things that’s for sure not on my bucket list is living on a boat to sail around the world and 5 knots. Love the boat, love sailing, love my bathtub when I’m done.

New Routine

Being a creature of habit, this whole Peet’s coffee fiasco has thrown me totally off. There is still $10 left on my app, I’m too cheap not to use it, I’ll never go back to my daily place the last 20 years ever again. I don’t know what happened to Peet’s? It’s slow service and now I find out, totally crappy customer service. I’m just not their customer anymore, they want the Starbucks customer who practically asks for breast milk in their drinks. The savvy customer, who can speak in a different language unique to coffee shops now…no more “medium latte” customers.

My new routine has been to walk to lunch, then check out family owned coffee places, then swim. The goal here is get some exercise and strengthen my back, it’s been a really good routine. I could always eat lunch at home and make my own latte, I really need to get out every day for my mental health since I’m not working anymore.

After that gusty day I passed on with the plane, I went ahead and did some touch & goes with the Piper Archer yesterday. It was still pretty windy, just not 30 knots!! The first landing was a rusty one (there is the “any landing is a good landing” philosophy). The next 4 went a little smoother, adjusting every time to what went wrong on the previous landing. A few times there was a little crosswind, had to adjust the ailerons into the wind and rudder it down the runway. The final landing was the best, short because of the wind. This would be a good routine if it wasn’t so expensive.

The club I’m in does check rides every 6 mos, my 2 year FAA physical came up too. What a crock these physicals are, I don’t know why the FAA has designated examiners? Something changed with the medical since I got mine last time, it used to be every 2 years if you’re over 40. The Dr. is supposed to screen you to see if your healthy enough to fly, I put down my low blood pressure that’s normal for me and he kind of freaked. Am I supposed to lie on these? I don’t want to fly with someone who’s lying on it, I didn’t think it would ground me. My BP on my exam with them was fine, but I got charged $50 more for the inconvenience of it all.

Get myself ready for my 2 check rides the next few months. I’ve finally decided that I’m not going to go for my IFR, I don’t want to deal with anything besides perfect weather and mild winds. I was told that I wasn’t the only one who wouldn’t fly in those 30 knot gusts the other day.